


Have A Little Faith

by imposibledoctor



Series: Itty Bitty Destiel Fics [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Priest Castiel, Religious Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 04:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposibledoctor/pseuds/imposibledoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: "ex-soldier!Dean stumbling into a church just 'cause Sam told him he feels better after praying and Dean kind of thinks this is bullshit, but upon meeting Castiel, the local priest, he changes his mind"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have A Little Faith

**Author's Note:**

> note: I'm not a religious person so sorry in advance for any mistakes in this. I don't have much to go off of.

“Come on Dean, just try it, okay?” Sam’s voice echoed through the speakers on Dean's phone.

“Yeah, whatever.” Dean disconnected the call and sighed, looking up at the church in front of him. “How can I believe in a God after everything I saw?” He muttered to himself, but went inside anyway.

It was dark and dusty inside, the only light coming from the fading sun through the stained glass windows showing images of Jesus on the cross and other scenes Dean could vaguely match up with some Bible story he heard as a kid.

He took a seat in a pew near the back and checked to make sure there was no one else in the room before beginning to speak.

“Um… I’m Dean Winchester. But you know that, don’t you? I mean, you’re supposed to know everything, right?” Dean laughed at himself and shook his head, “What am I even doing here?”

Dean let his head drop to his hands and he took a deep breath before beginning again.

“My little brother, Sammy, he told me this might help. He says I need to talk to someone who will always listen but I’ve never felt like there was anyone there.”

Dean turned around, startled, when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you but would you like me to pray with you? The first time can be hard.” The other man said, with a comforting smile on his face. “My name is Castiel Novak.”

Dean looked at the man who was obviously a priest. Was it wrong for Dean to think he was totally hot? Probably. He pushed that thought away and nodded, “I’m, uh, Dean. Winchester. And yeah, I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“You’re having trouble believing that there is someone listening to your prayers, correct?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah. I mean if God is real, why do good people die so young? Why did my parents die? Why did I have to go to war and kill people? How could He let that happen?” Dean said, his voice raising as he went. He felt hot tears begin to roll down his cheeks.

“It’s okay to be angry, to be upset. It’s good to let this out. Why don’t you just talk to me instead, tell me what you want to say to God.” Castiel suggested.

“Yeah, okay. Um, well my brother, he’s really into this stuff” Dean said, motioning to the building around him, “but I never have been. I mean, when I was really young I went to church with my mom but after she died my dad was either too drunk to take us or he wasn’t home at all. When I grew up and watched my dad get shot in front of me, I kept wondering why it was fair to me, to my brother, to have both of our parents taken from us. Sammy said we just had to trust in God. I said that was bullshit. When I was deployed and I saw people die left and right, hell, people dropped down at my own hand, I lost any last shred of faith that was left. I just don’t understand. But I’m empty inside and I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t hold on when there’s nothing left.” Dean choked out the last words.

He felt like he was a kid again, like when he had nightmares and his mom held him and sang to him until he fell asleep again. Except this time, the nightmare was real and there was no one to hold him and every time he woke up it was the same goddamn nightmare playing over and over again.

“Does this help? To talk about it?” Castiel asked, his voice soft as if Dean was an animal that would run away if you spoke to suddenly.

“I don’t know, honestly. I mean, I guess so. It’s easier to talk to you than God.” Dean chuckled.

“Why is that, Dean?”

“You’re right next to me, I can see you. I can reach out and touch you. You’re real and tangible and God? He’s never been anywhere in my life.”

“Faith is difficult like that. I cannot see God, but I know he’s there. But if it helps you to speak to him through me, then we will start there. Dean, I can see that you are a broken man. I’m not going to tell you that if you open your heart to God that everything will be easy, but I believe that faith is a force that can lead us through the most difficult of times. You’re always welcome here, Dean. And you’re always welcome to speak with me if that makes you more comfortable. Of course, I’d love for you to join the church but my main priority is getting you to a better place. If you’d rather speak with me outside the church that is always an option as well.”

“Thank you. I think I’d like to give this another try?” Dean said, not even really sure what he was signing up for.

“That’s great, Dean. Of course we will have our Sunday service, why don’t you stop by and try it out? If it doesn’t work for you we can always arrange a time and place to talk later?” Castiel offered.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Dean stood up and Castiel followed his lead. “Thank you, Castiel, I wasn’t really expecting to get anything out of coming here but I think it helped a little.”

Castiel smiled, a real, genuine smile as if hearing that was the best news he had ever heard. “Small steps are still steps in the right direction, Dean. It was nice to meet you. Stay as long as you need to.” He shook Dean’s hand and disappeared into a narrow hallway.

 

Dean watched him walk away and thought to himself, “If angels are real, then he’s one of them.” 

 

 

prompt from _[hammerdean](http://hammerdean.tumblr.com/)_

_kudos & comments appreciated! feel free to check out my [tumblr](http://breakingcas.tumblr.com/) as well!_


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